come and party with us

and everything seemed to be going so well. i suppose it's because i've been so out of my mind lately, it makes me practically useless as a woman. it makes me think horrible and not even dare to speak it, which is the worst. these are the breaks, doll. it seems like just yesterday when i was shouting and laughing with the pure, hateful, bloodthirsty joy. if i keep holding out like this things will get really nasty. but i won't get tired. and i won't crack. i've done some dumb things. and seeing as how he's one of those dumb things, he shouldn't give me such a hard time. but sometimes he does. and for a hot minute i gave him the hard goodbye. and he didn't really like that. a couple nights plucked out he stared at a goddess and he didn't waste time wondering how he got so lucky. i smelled like angels out to smell and i was the perfect woman...i was golden. i could be mistaken but i do believe i left him more dead than alive. he made me hate myself. i suppose we gave each other a taste of his own medicine. then again, i'm just warming up.

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part XII
now came the days when the breeze blew harder and stronger and faster and dare she say cooler than it once had not days before. it was also around this time when the doll enlisted help due to the fact that she was incapable of helping herself. and one day, when she out of her mind, he went into her palace to attend to her, and no one was inside. she caught him by his cloak and said, 'come lay awhile...just for a minute...it'll make us feel close...' this was not like her. on the other hand, he was intrigued. and then she continued. it was most likely due to the suffering that was inflicted during the siege - even the most gentle and sweetest of dolls will have no compassion on her own self and the worst part is there's not a damn thing anybody can do about it. even the most loveliest doll among wolves and snakes and lions - so premium that she would not venture to touch the ground with the sole of her foot - will begrudge the circus and inflict distress on you in your cities if you let her. if you do not carefully follow all the words that pour from her lips, you will be cursed until you are destroyed. you, who were as numerous as the stars in the sky will be left but few in number, because you did not obey. because the doll is good and sweet and kind, she has been known to look the other way when things are so terrible and look like they're getting worse. in the mornings you will say, 'if only it were evening,' and in the evenings you will say, 'if only it were the morning,' because of the terror that will fill your hearts and the sights that your eyes will see. this has happened once and she still hasn't quit yet. her cool breeze was once blowing steadily and then, out of nowhere, it stopped altogether. this she did not like. but, after some time passed and some punishments were lifted - the doll got exactly what she set out for - a few words. and before she knew it, things were ok again. one dusk, while the sun was running faster and faster, weather so fine a dozen angels could dance atop a pinhead - the doll sat with her breeze and breathed, 'i always tell them, never take it seriously. if you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. and if you never get hurt, you always have fun. you're never lonely when you're having fun.' it was then and there once she spoke those words that she realized she had neither said too much or too little, but just enough. and so she shut her lips like cherubs, put down her rocks and settled back in her glass house. and after a little time went by, she could touch him. and then she could lie by him. and then she could lie on him. and then she could kill him. and then she could kiss him. and then she could talk to him. and then she could calm him. and then he could calm her. and then he could help her.

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part XI
now came the days when the doll did many substances and never did leave a single one out. she had many friends. she had all sorts of friends. crushed 'uns, powdery silky 'uns; but the ones she loved the most, were the ones she called 'illies,' and they made her act all sorts of funny. her eyes would become bigger than the moon and darker than the sky and she would grin from ear to ear, but not grin like she was happy - grin like she was plotting her out and had no thoughts of letting you in on it. with a flow so cold chicken soup wouldn't help. but no one, and dollface herself would even agree, or at least acknowledge that there was no one quite as cool, not cold mind you, as the one up on the edge of the primrose hill, cool breeze. he was the one you loved to hate. and so one day, upon taking the advice of her most wise and powerful lion, and with a hint or two from the shadows, she decided that the best way to rid herself of an enemy was to make him her friend. and you want to know the funny thing? he apologized. right to her face. right in front of the doll's batting lashes. this was something she did not expect. and so she took a breath and before the sugar could pour from her lips and onto the air, the wind picked up. and so she whispered, not drew honey, 'let me go. you know, i am a lady. and a lady always knows when to leave.' in case you were wondering, he was not done with the doll and there was not a damn thing she could do about it.

build me up build me down

sometimes i'll stop and wonder just exactly what's going on. or going wrong, again, in my case. this would be another night in a row where i'm just sitting wondering about things. i'm not sad, not mad - not anymore - just confused. a little cross between the two. i feel like a trick, but you know how that store goes. it's like i let ryan in and now that i think about it - it drove me crazy. but it was the craziness that kept me coming back for more. and then things went sour. and now the whole 'first girl in awhile' is shot to shit. and now when i see justin and jessica i'd rather be in my grave. but you know the worst? when i see ryan. and when he's nice to me. and when i'm nice to him. that leaves me more dead than alive, for what it's worth. when he's done creepin' he'll come crawlin' and that's when a storm will be a-comin' and this doll's simple pleasures shall be restored.

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part X
now came the days when the moon was big. the moon was full and big and yellow. and there was a full ring around the moon. so this bird searched until she found her promised talisman with the crowns and the crabs and the locks and keys. and when people realized there were troubling times - they all began to worry too. and then came a time when dollface would hide because she herself was troubled too. but those times were tried and true and usually didn't last very long. a couple days passed and a couple weeks passed and the doll blossomed beautifully. she was not reminded and she was most definitely not forgotten. she was talked about. they would say, 'i remember a man who met a woman, don't remember where - she had big beautiful eyes and light blonde hair. she was from the elite skid row end and he was from the primrose hills. now, this was back when things were still done easy. two different worlds apart, but the world is just a small town - we all know how the people like to get down...' and mostly they would end it like that. and then again sometimes they wouldn't. they wouldn't end anything at all.

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part IX
now it came to pass the days when the city's doors and windows were all boarded and shut up - for the days to come. these days, of which the people suffered, never did come. and this is only because the doll, scraggily and lightfooted, was too nice. and as hours, which felt like mere moments, fled from the sun, the doll remained where she sat. no one touched her. no one talked to her. no one even moved. all was still. all was quiet. all was good. and then, as she flinched, a breath could be heard; "...you can't get comfortable and you sweat and you're boiling hot. you pour with sweat. and your nose dribbles and then all of a sudden, you get the colds. and the sweat turns to fucking ice on you. and you put a jumper on and then you're boiling hot again. and then you get cold again. like you just can't win. and you lie down and that's not comfortable. so you sit up and that's not comfortable. it just drives you insane..."

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part VIII
now it came to pass the days when the doll couldn't understand just why she cared so much. that and she also couldn't wrap her head around just why she was so damn nice. and, the worst thing was, most of the garbage kat wrote was centered on skid row, on the edge of the primrose hills - with cool breeze and the lions - the acidheads. and this garbage was eaten up by all of the people. so the doll, once she had 'disinfected herself from that creep,' thought herself above it. but everyone knew. she tried to run - she tried to hide. and one night, she could hide no longer. one night, a fading star whom the doll would rather be caught dead with than stick in her pocket, could have sooner slapped our sweet and humble baby babble. so she was out of there like a flash. she had sad eyes, but it was only because she knew better. and to the stars and only the stars, maybe the night sky as well, she whimpered, in between sobs, "o how i wish i were smarter, forget the what happened, i got stuck. my hurt and my hunger murders me in and out. no, no, i am not ok." and this was straight truth the doll spit. she could do nothing less and nothing more. she needn't be reminded, but, alas she was. and here we are. no wind was blowing. the moon was gaining weight in the sky, with heavy bags. things were in bloom. although dwindling, you could find what you were looking for if you looked hard enough for it. the kat expected some sort of slack to be given but by now too much time, the cruel mistress of all, had ran away and so if slack was to be given it would have been given a lot longer. so the doll began to stay in and withdraw. things went sour. it was not like before where maybe someday things would be ok - our blossom had dug herself a pit a mile deep and a foot wide with nothing but a pinhole for the sky and she could do nothing but dream of getting out. it took forever and a day. but she kept wishin' and hopin' and dreamin' - and one night, when she was feeling exceptionally down, a shadow fell over her shoulders - over her mind - and whispered, 'good things. in this place, where it is good and bad, life has a funny way of working itself out. and if you let it, o sweet doll, o kat of such generous nature who should be seated up high with crowns upon crowns, i will give you nothing more than what you deserve.' wiping her eyes with shaky hands, the doll allowed herself to get low just so she could get high.

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part VII
now it came to pass the days when the doll was up at all night, all hours, all
the time. and it wouldn't stop. everyone would sit at her feat and say
things like, 'curses, curses good doll, why don't you just lie down for
a little bit and maybe try a disco nap - you are beginning to look more
and more ready for the grave day by day,' or, 'get her another drink
she is beginning to look vividly striking.' one time, the doll did take
another drink. and another and another and another and on her last one
she said, 'just another drink - pip, pip! i have not bled this house
dry yet,' even though in all truths of the word, she had. so, to put a
stop to it, the people tracked down a cool breeze and set him before
her. and he did not know what to do. the doll always did, but she was
off her head, see? so, he dug deep, and no, this time it was not about
trees or ghosts, 'you do seem like a pretty nice girl, but you don't
have a lot to say; i do feel that i should tell you i love you a lot,
but first, a bellyful of wine. someday, doll, you will be mine and i will be yours.'

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part VI
now it came to pass the days when kat would catch falling stars and put them in her pocket. it was also getting to the point where things were no fun anymore. cool breeze had long since let the water run down her back and one night whimpered unto the wind, 'you have left me more dead than alive, o still point of the turning world.' things had returned to normal. back to ok. the day turned into afternoon and the afternoon into night. first came the drinks. then came the sound of wind, a rushing that was decided later it must have been caused by her mind escaping. she fell fast. adding to her loveliness was a new mysterious private suffering perfectly silent, visible in the blue puffiness beneath her eyes or the way the doll would sometimes wander, aimlessly. drunk and kissing the night sky, or smoking too many cigarettes, she was bound for a time without the fear. it could be friday evening, sunday in the afternoon - tuesday morning. one of those days, a cool breeze caught her. caught her right while she was spinning. while she was spun. he said, 'will you come see me thursday and saturdays?' if she didn't he promised her that if she went calling for him, the next day or forth, she would find him a grave man. so, to this the doll conjured up her strength and let the honey roll off of her tongue and into the air; 'razors pain you, rivers are damp - acid stains you and drugs cause cramps; guns aren't lawful - nooses give - gas smells awful, you might as well live.'

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part V
now it came to pass the days when the doll didn't give much of a fuck.

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part IV
now it came to pass the days when the doll was very conflicted and at most times, unsettled. one of her lions, in an offer of great respect, bowed her head and left cards at the doll's feet. and so she began to use these cards. playing with them as they were dealt, you understand. one day, however, the clouds in the sky were mixed and air thick and hot, hotter than the street even. the cards never once did lie. so, why would they lie today? as the doll was walking and thinking this and many other things, she could see in the distance a cool breeze blowing. and so when he appeared, kat, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave him the slightest of nods. the nod was returned, but not how she wanted it. now, was it the intention of this bird to insult the doll, or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? his motives remain unknown. the next morning kat appeared at the foot of the hill, with the sun to her back and demanded to speak with him and to repay the insult. this cool breeze character at first tried to console the doll, only to find the doll was inconsolable. and little did quickdraw breeze know that this little dollybird was only playing possum, due to the fact she was impervious to his bullets. she said; 'i am pervious to your bullets, sugar,' and so he only naturally replied, 'get back to playing possum, dollface.' and so she did and so he did and so it goes and so it goes.

standing on the board
board is on the wheels
wheels are on the ground
zoomin round and round

the doll

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part III
now it came to pass the days when there was a fresh air blowing on the east side of the hills, right beside the city. the doll could feel it before anyone. a certain someone, who had more or less blown it, began to come 'round. and so she put both hands up to the sky and closed her eyes. she then said, 'for those who wish ill on this cool breeze blowing, they will answer to me. although he has wronged me, he has apologized moreover. if i hear one hair on his head is touched, things will become very terrible for you.' she said this to no one in particular. and so under her wing cool breeze stayed. and one night, when all was dark and all was still and all was quiet, she heard him whimper, 'i am sorry,' and she was steaming. she purred; 'entreat me not to leave thee: for whither thou goest, i will go; and where thou stay, i will stay: thy people shall be thy people and thy loves shall be thy loves.' her breeze broke down after hearing this and told the doll why he was edgy so. 'i can see myself in the tomb now,' he cried, 'wide-eyed and just waiting for the dirt to seal my fate.' after hearing this, she demanded his freedom unto the skies. and the doll gets what she wants.

THIS WEKE: PRISENER SELL BLOCK C AND I DO MENE "C"

THIS WEKE: PRISENER SELL BLOCK C AND I DO MENE "C"
nite falls upon the unfortunat inmates of primrose hill's albion jale lesser known of WORMWORD SCABS the air is rent with terible CRIES i.e. 3 across 3 leters rimes with bat k something t wot do you THINK or help help mr barrowcluough FLETCHER hav nicked my RAZOR or shhh the lovely VERITEY SHARP is on r3 she hav an xclusive session from the JIPSEY KINGS and maney similar hartrendering things also a tiney mouse scamper along hallways a bag of the ol SKY BLACKY in its scrawnie jaws A LOANLEY WIND howls through the craked windoes or is it just sellmate 23943284 fortherington-tomas blubering for his mater like a GURL i suspekt the latter.
yes sosiety hav agane consined cool breeze to JALE.
wot is a chapp to do wen faced agane and agane with the deprivasion of his personal LIBERTINES? wen the self apointed gardians of TRUTH and JUSTISE were the tawdey mask of HIPOCRISEY? and wen he hav been sampeling the old glass trumpet over the foil off and on purely in the interests of kreative XPLORATION and as a result the litmus tin burst into FLAME wen dipped into the old cup this is qite a site i can asure you they should hav it on tomorrows WORLD.
ANEWAY it is a VEXING CONUNNDRUM.
one do lern a grate deal about the FUTILITE of the sistem wen on finds oneself on the revolving DOOR of the CORTS for instence how come abit of coke cost 2 pkts of lambers and butler inside but £25 on SKIDDY ROW we shouold all go to jale reely is save a lot of mesing.
also how come the papers sa the country is PLAGED by nonces flashers beatears nutters etc but wen in nick everbode sa they are ther for none payment of COUNCIL TAX somthing ort to be done.
however let us look on the BRITE side. cool breeze hav bene sentenced to a fortnight or to wich in practise mene 7 then with good behavour 5 then nock off 2 for inconveneience 2 for time spent waiting for trial 3 becos cool breeze is a looker and get special tretement and BINGO! in the bank CHEERS CHEERS.
taxi to fashionabel shortditch or mayb even PRIMROSE HILL for a special 'release partey' for three i.e. the doll, her breeze and their grate mate GOLDON BROUN. and ther we shal hav the TIMES of or LIVES.

THIS WEKE: A FREND IN NEDE IS A FREND INDEED

THIS WEKE: A FREND IN NEDE IS A FREND INDEED
i arsk you gentel reders wot is WORSE than a new BEST MADE eh? one minute you are mear AQANTANCES on the busey circuit of life. a cherey hullo here a quick NOSE UPP there and perhapps some CAUSAL SEXUAL INTECORSE when yor paths cross i.e. under the moon and stars in rehabb or behind binns at the DALSTON SWEETS SHOP.
five minuits later and sudenly you are ON CALL 24 SEVEN o doll i hav run out of gere o doll i am in jale i need a CUDEL o doll i hav lost the SKY PLUS REMOAT perhaps it is somewhere in yer behive o doll i am sad how about a PARP on the old GLASS TROMBONE eh?
IT GO ON FOREVER AND FEELS LUVLY CHIZ CHIZ.
yes you hav guest it since street sensasion COOL BREEZE hav enterd my social CIRCEL there hav bene no peace for the wicked i.e. your felow suffererr kat.
BRRRRING!! BRRRRING! go the fathful tele o doll come and see me it is the PINACEL i nede you and donot forget the 'sunderies' pip pip.
i put £3 pounds on OISTER CARD then TRECK down to the northeast side of the city to see him stumble round like a newborn GIRAF crying and slurring i mene he realy was all over the shop also the doll DEDICAIT every hit to the dredful graspeing wede COOL BREEZE wich make everyone go boo hiss hanging is too good for him he is a roter we diskard him and this make him cry even more. this the DOLL did NOT liek.
TO CAP IT ALL wen i venture to oofer my words of wisdom hem hem i am AKOSTED by the moon who sa he is not done with me yet wot a larf i repli and point to him who is hoovering up all the 'NASAL BEER' like ther is no tomorrow wich in her case ma be true an quikly moved to foiles. at this i wack him in the GOB and turf out onto the COLD STRETES.
all this EFORT and i donot even get a BLOWIE is there no DESENSY LEFT?
2 days later BRRRING!! BRRRING! o doll i am leaving and nevr coming bak to this creul place get yorself round here sharpish and donot forget the PICK ME UPS. it is 4am in the morning but a frend in nede you kno the rest so off i go. CHEZ BRISE turn out to be a swag ponk a bit coo ur gosh cuough cuough.
it do not take long for all he owns is a give me al yer trees full of blackie moons an awful lot of SILVER PAPER and 100000000000 binbags full of empty canns.
as we travel thruough the strets of the east and i atempt to cover the teribel STANES on my trousers with a copey of baby baby baby maggazine he turn to me and WHIMPER...
'doll,' he sa, 'i'm not done wif you yet...'
with a hevy HART this doll lower her eeys an her hands begin to shhake....

all night and all morning

there once was a doll. and this doll was like none other. she was blonde, fair and sweeter than sugar. this doll had many people always around her but once summertime struck, it didn't seem so. she had an itch and it couldn't be scratched. 'till one night. it was stormy out, but you couldn't tell because it was so dark - and she was in the best of moods. unbeknownst to cool breeze, the man who eventually fit her fancy, she was trouble. then again, so was he. they were both trouble. the only time they weren't in trouble was when they were together. at first they were together a lot. and then, surely but slowly, the gaps grew farther and farther. and cool breeze started fucking up more and more, even going as far to hurt the doll in real live life. at first she thought it was her, but alas, no siree bob, it was him. he was born with all sorts of problems, in and out. it's horrible to say, but the truth usually is. then, on this stormy dark night, for no reason at all, cool breeze burst into a fit of tears. a damn puddle he was. and the only person who wanted to listen was the same person he hurt in the first. but you know what she did? the doll sucked it up and gave him all the strength she could, because he was going to need it. and you know what he did? even though he didn't say it, he was all sorts of glad on the inside. and you know what the stars said? 'he ain't done with you yet little sweets, don't think that for one minute.'

la belle et le bad boy

what a strange night have i! after hearing word that cool breeze, ryan, was caught by his big bad bone daddy smokin' foilies, aka cocaine, his probation officer was called. and you know the news is not good. he knew he was going to jail at, well, right now - ten o'clock on this beautiful morning. now, as we all remember quite painfully clearly, the last time he was going to jail he just wanted to 'condition himself' aka fuck that frumpy little slut whom i still sort of refuse to speak the name of because after quietly and quite politely, i might add, asking them to shag tail out of there she just giggled at me. and that's why i can't go for that. moving right along, gus called and pretty much said the above story. minus the frumpy slut. and my response? 'bring him over to jessica's, he needs all the mates he can get right now.' and then i bought him two 40s and tried to give him a pack of cigarettes. after spreading the love for a hot minute at adam's, we headed back to jessica's with hailey, ryan's ex, fun fun times for kat, for more drinking. and drink we did. gus left and then it turned bad. and i mean bad. ryan started crying about jail, his parents, his life and general and hailey kind of sort of didn't really help tame the situation. i don't really remember though, i was kind of wasted. so he ran off and sat in the front, on a thorn bush and cried some more. so i ran after him. why? because i'm a nice kat that way. i gave him love and told him that someday he too, like i, would wake up and everything would be ok. which only made him cry more, now that i think about it, and he said that if he could find the last piece of his shotgun he'd kill his dad and then kill himself. to this i did not like. then he proceeded to tell me about his dad beating up on him and his brother beating up on him and how he's a piece of shit lots of tears boo hoo for him. he was stumbling by this point. then he made us sing wolf parade. i sent hailey to bed and then ryan started to fall asleep on the couch outside. not ok. so i woke him up but he wouldn't listen and i do believe i ended up saying, 'fine fuck you then, i don't give a fuck about you,' at one point. then i came back with a blanket. then i threw him off the couch, literally, gave him a pillow and told him, 'g'night.' it was done. i don't need to sleep with him. i don't need the satisfaction. he makes horrible choices when he's not with me and that's only because i bitch and moan until i get my way and just tell everybody, 'you don't want to see me angry,' until they let me do what i want. ryan, however, makes me sad all day. i'm of the breed that when you are wasted, the truth comes out. no matter how slurred. i had it all wrong. the doll had it wrong. true, baby, he isn't done with my - but i couldn't even conceive how fucked up he is. i mean, i had to literally hold him until he stopped crying, told him to just breathe and relax, everything would be fine, everything will be fine, everything's going to be fine. there was nothing more last night that i wanted than to sleep next to him, but he needs to understand that things have changed. and that's how i conditioned myself into a D O L L and not a T R I C K.

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part II
now it came to pass the days when the doll was doing more or less ok and there were big storm clouds hanging above a certain man's head from the elite hills of the stars. because he was too proud to speak in her presence, she offered nothing less than her best, 'if any man strike the eye of this cool breeze character, and leave him but one eye again, i will allow him to go free. for the eye which you put out will return three fold. and he will also strike out a tooth. he shall be free, hear me, free? feel me.'

the book of kat

which is more or less the scripture of the kat
part I
now it came to pass in the days when the doll was very sad and a certain man of the highest hills went to suffer all by his lonesome.
and once the doll realized this, that he was nearer than far, she lifted up her voice and said; 'i will not deal kindly with you, as i have dealt with the dead because you did not treat me kindly.' and he begged upon her; 'surely you will relax yourself, girl.' this the doll did not like. she then uttered lowly, barely audible; 'entreat me not to find thee: for whither thou goest, i will not; and where thou stay, i will not: thy people shall be my people and your loves my loves.' then she said, a bit louder, 'call me not kat, or doll: for you have dealt very bitterly with me. i went out full and you hath brought me home again empty.' her words made a mighty deep impression. and so he hesitated.

lunes de negro

i don't know what is the matter with me. maybe it's because i'm hurting and, as we all know, this doll doesn't always take off her grump face after a long night of layawake frying and things of that nature. in fact, it must be a full moon. no. i think what began as me feeling like a piece of shit just started snowballing. it was like one bomb after the other. kablam! don't touch him...kablam! don't kiss him...kablam! he's kissing another girl right now. but, and i do protest i did nothing short of my best; however, it is not at all uncommon for ladies, like myself, to know exactly when to leave. and so i did. i don't know what kills me more - the people around me or lack thereof. or maybe it's the fact that i can't even say one word without being completely ignored. as if what i have to say matters not at all - they've heard everything i've had to say before i say it. i don't know what it is. i could probably drown now and not give one care in the whole blue sky. but, for now, this doll has some tricks up her sleeve and some other kitty cats to play with so...i suppose i'll go work on that one.

up all night

i need to shower. but i don't think it will be happening in the any near future. i'm a little stoney, a little dirty and now, a little mad. i tried to put my angry face back in hibernation, but that little bitch wants to jump up at all angles. adjacents, even. i'm so tired of this. feeling all frumpy like. call me 'frumplestiltskin' and i'd probably answer. but i suppose not. i suppose i'm wonderful and i don't deserve that. next time? side hammer to the temple. and, yes, the temple that was bashed against all those rocks. i want to stand on top of my roof and yell, "i feel like a bitch the sheets twist me up." i probably should. how much time did i waste? i do believe that's what i was trying to figure out last night, whilst still frying upon jessica's prize leather couch. i had snakes for veins and moons for eyes and i stayed up all night, of course. i should sleep soon. shower first.

he promised me all the olive trees

but i still haven't seen shit
yeah pretty much i've realized, after an acid hit or two, or maybe even three or four - that, yeah, i'm pretty much done with ryan. done. like, where's my apology at? is it in the mail or something, what the fuck? like you couldn't even suck it up and say, "you know what, i fucked up the other night." i 'on't give a fuck if he doesn't want to fucks with me anymore - i can handle it. yeah, pretty much he can go jump in the grave he's dug himself. anyways, i did some acid last night and hung out with gus and somehow someway we ended up over there and it was not hard. not hard at all. it was soft as bread dough nukka. then i put them through "fuck you lucy" 'cause i'm a kat that way and i don't really think anyone was feelin' it, but i don't really give a fuck - it cleared my minds. all nine of them. they come with the lives. and gus even asked later if i was still into him. no was my answer and no is the truth. it settles well, wouldn't you agree? i figure i can't escape him, he's someone who will be hanging around us at all times, unless he's in jail, again, so i might as well chin up and suffer through it. then, someday, hopefully soon, but i doubt it, things will be okay again. they'll be easy. easy does it. and i won't have to fucking stare at the sky everytime i know his eyes are on me. such is life. i'm going to go shower because i really need to. spent the weekend in mccall without a toothbrush because mo locked the house up. i fucked up and said i was at jess's when i was at lainey's. oh wells, mo is over it. at least it's not like emma blake's mother - holy shit. i'm going to stop there. in closing, dollface, whenever you see this shit, don't worry. don't worry about any of the bullshit floating around. water down your back. bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. eagle claw. yahh trick yahh.