build me up build me down

sometimes i'll stop and wonder just exactly what's going on. or going wrong, again, in my case. this would be another night in a row where i'm just sitting wondering about things. i'm not sad, not mad - not anymore - just confused. a little cross between the two. i feel like a trick, but you know how that store goes. it's like i let ryan in and now that i think about it - it drove me crazy. but it was the craziness that kept me coming back for more. and then things went sour. and now the whole 'first girl in awhile' is shot to shit. and now when i see justin and jessica i'd rather be in my grave. but you know the worst? when i see ryan. and when he's nice to me. and when i'm nice to him. that leaves me more dead than alive, for what it's worth. when he's done creepin' he'll come crawlin' and that's when a storm will be a-comin' and this doll's simple pleasures shall be restored.